The Paradox of Nonchalance

Hello loves!

There's something that's been on my mind lately. Something that I've been noticing for a while, but especially now with the approach of Halloween and the incoming holiday season. As a kid, I remember people going all out for the holidays. The decorations, the parties, the costumes or themed accessories, and an overall sense of excitement at the "not-normal" day.

It's not really like that anymore.

Yes, I know there's definitely some nostalgia bias going on here. And every little thing in life being so much more expensive than before doesn't help either. But I think it's more than that. I think there's a reason why people don't go all out anymore. And I think it's an issue that isn't just impacting the holiday season.

The Era of Nonchalance.

Recently, it seems like a lot of people are striving to be someone who's nonchalant. On paper, it sounds good. A nonchalant person doesn't stress or worry about a lot of things. They're the embodiment of "chill vibes." They---in theory---are true to themselves because they don't care what other people think. To an extent, I think everyone wants to be a little more "nonchalant" in aspects of life.

The full definition of the word is "(of a person or manner) feeling or appearing casually calm and relaxed; not displaying anxiety, interest, or enthusiasm." It's a feeling. A temporary phase. It's the indifference you have during mundane moments.

It's not meant to be a permanent state of being.

Unfortunately, I think too many people try to be always nonchalant, in every area of life. For some inexplicable reason, being "cool" has become synonymous with being detached or above it all. It's one thing to not care about what other people think because you love yourself, but it's entirely different when your confidence comes from viewing other people as losers. As "cringe."

And what could be more cringe to a "nonchalant" person than caring?

Far too often, I've seen people who are passionate about something be looked down on solely because they have passion. The light in their eyes get dimmed after being told they're too much or embarrassing. People who share their dreams or hopes at a reduced level, because they're afraid to expose how much they actually want something.

It's like people started believing that those who find enjoyment in things are weak. Being happy is fine, but expressing that happiness is childish. Admitting that you love something---whether it's a cause, a fictional work, a family member, whatever---is "cringe."

And the most ironic part of it all is that the people who try so desperately to appear "nonchalant", or look down on others for what they like, are the ones who care the most. They're the ones who care so much about. . . what? Looking "cool"? About being a "realist"?

What is the point if you have to give up the most important part of being human?

I've shared my opinions about generative Ai in the past, but the same reason I'm against Ai "art" is the same reason I'm so over this nonchalant era: It's removing what it means to be human. To be alive.

It's never been about the finished project or if your niche hyperfixation has a purpose or not. The point has always been to enjoy it. The enjoyment is purpose enough.

Think back to when you were a little kid and the things you liked doing. Remember running around on the playground with friends and playing games? Maybe you didn't always win, but you didn't have a fear of people seeing you fail stop you from having fun anyway. You weren't worried about looking cool when you wore the mismatched clothes because at the big age of 6 you could dress yourself (shoutout to all the parents who humored this phase); all that mattered was that you liked what you wore, so you wore it.

My point is that people at their core were created to enjoy things. We're allowed and supposed to find happiness in this life, even if it's in the things we aren't good at or in the things that aren't "trendy."

Which is more "nonchalant?" To live a life having fun and enjoying the things you like? Or living a life of carefully constructed apathy to avoid the risk of being made fun of?

(And as a side note, if you're a person who finds either pleasure or validation in bringing someone down just for what they like, you're a scummy person. Constructive feedback looks way different than just being an a$$hole.)

So let yourself draw even if it's just scribbles. Sing off-key and dance despite being off rhythm. Watch the goofy tv show even if it's "lame" because you like it and it makes you laugh. There are enough heavy and serious moments in life as it is. Don't let denying your own happiness become one too.

Love y'all!

"Don't be selfish; don't try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves."---Philippians 2:3